Diary of a Reluctant Vampire -- LC Cooper's New Novel

Okay, I'll admit it ... I want in on the cash cow known as vampire tales. Hence, "Diary of a Reluctant Vampire" is my offering. This novel has it all--humor, satire, romance, drama, action, adventure, mashup, slight sexual teasing, a little gore, a tie to another of my novels (Simmering Consequences -- see if you can find it within the story). There's even an acrostic poem.

Until August 14, 2013, you can download this novel for FREE. After reading the following description, you'll find instructions and a coupon code for a free copy of "Diary of a Reluctant Vampire."

I hope you enjoy this parody on vampire and diary stories.

Eugene Elliott Kleinman never intended on becoming a vampire. At the geeky and awkward age of twelve, the boy was preoccupied with typical pre-teen nonsense.

Shuffling home one afternoon with his stepmom's emasculating grocery sack of pads and other feminine products, Eugene tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and wiped out into a tall, sinewy, and ice-cold man. Unfortunately for Eugene, he knocked the man off his feet and right on top of him. The man's fangs plunged into Eugene's neck.

Wiping excess blood off his mouth, the man stood and introduced himself as Maximus, Over Lord of the Damned, Freaks, Atheists, Rejects, and Terrors.

Eugene replied with, "You do realize the acronym for your title is 'Old Fart,' don't you?"

Maximus rolled his eyes, nodded, and sighed, but replied with, "Oops, I crapped my pants. Damned sun does it every time."

Thus began Eugene's rocky and challenging transition from human to vampire. Balancing the benefits of both worlds solves a number of Eugene's social dilemmas, but he must decide, by the time he turns thirteen, which lifestyle he'll forever retain. The choice of eternal life or endearing mortality isn't an easy one for Eugene. Until he makes a decision, he must keep Maximus, the OLD FART, at bay.

Until August 14, 2013, you can download "Diary of a Reluctant Vampire" for FREE. Just follow the link below to Smashwords.com. Then, during checkout, enter this coupon code: SV33T

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/124601

Jorick & Katelina: Ch. 1 of Heart of the Raven

Joleene Naylor's got a new novel out! Heart of the Raven is the latest in her vampire series; this is the story of the search for a legendary, mystical artifact. Read an excerpt and learn more about Joleene and all of her stories at: http://joleenenaylor.wordpress.com/2013/03/13/jorick-katelina-chapter-1-of-heart-of-the-raven/

If you're a fan of suspenseful vampire tales, then Heart of the Raven is a must-read! I think you'll agree after reading the excerpt. While visiting her website, you should check out all her other novels, supporting prologues, and character introductions.

 

Nicolas Cage a Vampire? Check out Mara Wilson

Not so long ago, Nicolas Cage playfully batted away rumors that he's a vampire. Although the likeness was remarkable, he claimed the photo, taken in the mid-1800s, couldn't have been him (Nicolas) because he shows up in film. Yeah, well, so did the soldier in that Civil-War-period photo. So much for your argument, Nicolas, or should I say, "Vlad."

Further exploding the myth that vampires cannot appear in photos or film is the case of Mara Wilson. "What," you might ask, "the heck does Mara Wilson have to do with vampires?"

Well, it was rumored that she turned down lead roles in "Twilight" and "Buffy ..." because they hit too close to home. Instead, she selected roles that were so smarmy that audiences would be fooled by her charm (a la "Miracle on 34th Street" and "Matilda"). Well, her's is a thin disguise, for Mara Wilson, it is rumored, might be no other than "Little Sure Shot" - the infamous Annie Oakley.

If this rumor is true, she's at least 152 years old (and, my oh my, she looks great for 152). Must be some amazing kinda age-defying lotion she's using ... or she's a vampire!

Go ahead and see for yourself - the likeness is uncanny.
Mara Wilson:
http://press.comedycentral.co.uk/daily-fix/where-are-they-now/mara-wilson-from-miracle-on-34th-street

Annie Oakley:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annie_Oakley

I'm guessing Annie grew tired of the limelight and the same old thing, so she faked her death, took off for a few dozen years so folks would forget, and reinvented herself as Mara Wilson.

No doubt Annie retained her cutie-pie image and knowledge of acting to springboard into modern film in the 1990s, at a time when music and film were sucking wind and in desperate need of a breath of fresh air. In struts li'l old Annie Oakley as Mara Wilson.

While I was perusing the 'net today, I ran across a page of information about Mara Wilson. One might think it was innocent and coincidental, but tucked away in a corner of the page was an ad for a Nicolas Cage movie. See for yourself: http://articles.chicagotribune.com/keyword/mara-wilson/featured/4

Since Mara and Nicolas are helping each other out with co-op advertising, I'm guessing their from the same vampire clan.

Apparently, not only viruses can mutate, but so can vampires! They have evolved to be able to appear in film, and if you look at all the photos taken of Annie Oakley as far back as the late 1880s, vampires have been able to perform this feat for at least 150 years!

I'm mulling over a theory that this invisible-in-film thing was fabricated by vampires in order to remain hidden within the public-at-large. I wonder what other supposed "facts" about vampires were myths created by vampires to protect themselves.

Please don't take this seriously, folks. I'm just poking fun - twisting around the Nicolas Cage story to point out how similar Mara Wilson looks like Annie Oakley.